No Peeing on the Potted Plant

Have you ever laughed until you cried? I have. Probably one too many times.
Not that that’s a bad thing — but everyday — at work?

Last night I was reminiscing with a friend about my eight years at a local publishing company and how my co-workers could’ve been writers for Saturday Night Live. Honestly, they missed their calling.

I rarely got through the work day without having a moment of hysterical, tears running down my face, laughter with this group of ladies. And… I’d like to share a few of these stories with you. If any of them still worked there, I wouldn’t. But they don’t. So, I will. 🙂

DON’T LOOK DOWN
I returned to work after being out for a couple of days. Everything seemed just as I left it. The team was busy cranking out the next series of books and I was happy to see everyone – they were my second family.

I logged onto my computer and got right to work. A few minutes later my boss wandered into my cubicle to talk about the yearly budget. As I spun around in my chair I immediately noticed that somebody had pinned….what looked like a condom…to my bulletin board. Not in the package. Stretched out as far as it could go. And stuck there with a tack.

All he had to do was glance down. Part of me wanted to laugh out loud. For Pete’s sake he’s having a serious conversation with me with a condom hanging next to him and he doesn’t even know it. But the other part of my brain, that wanted to keep my job so I could feed my children, said “Stay cool.” And I did.

I walked to the other side of the cubicle drawing his eyes away from any potential peripheral condom vision. The angels must’ve been watching out for me that day, because he left without seeing it. Once he was gone I took a closer look. It was just a natural colored balloon that they had stretched out. They were creative like that. 🙂

After we all had a good laugh I could tell there was something more. And yes, later that day I found a voodoo doll in my drawer, pins and all, made to look like the office trouble-maker. Gee, leave the office for a couple of days and you never know what you’ll return to. But, that’s why I loved working there.

I think for all of us, lunch time was the best. My friend would get out her plastic utensils and tap the outer walls of our cubicles as she walked down the aisle. It was music to our ears. It was how she called us to graze. This is when we’d meet — and laugh until we cried — daily.

YOU CALL IT CORN, WE CALL IT MAIZE
One time, a co-worker from a different department sat with us. All was going well until she started to cough. The corn in her mouth flew out and landed in my hair. She was so apologetic. I was pulling out the kernels saying “Don’t worry, it’s ok.”  That memory stuck with us for the next eight years. “Remember when that girl spit corn in your hair? Remember?!” Ummmm, no. What happened again?
Of course I remember!!! You don’t forget someone spitting corn in your hair!

BOUNCE REDUCES STATIC CLING
Another time –  as my friend and I we were getting ready to have lunch I noticed she had a dryer sheet hanging out from the bottom of her leggings. She was laughing because she didn’t even notice it.  So, she reached down to pull it out (in front of a lunch room full of people) and it was really a pair of her underwear.
“TA-DA!”

PINTEREST: HOW TO FIX A FAUX PAS
Remember how I mentioned this team was creative? One time my friend confused a retirement card for a birthday card, or was it a birthday card for a sympathy card? I can’t remember…. but we were in a panic. She wrote the wrong message in the wrong card and there was no time to get a new one. She stayed calm. Her message was on the corner of the card so she cut it out, creating the look of a bite mark and wrote “Take a bite out of life!” GENIUS!!

NO PEEING ON THE POTTED PLANT
But my all-time favorite is when the receptionist up front was busy typing and heard the front lobby door open. She could only see the top of the door over the high counter top when she was sitting. She waited, but nobody came up to the desk. When she stood up to see who was there, a woman who had come in from the street was squatting in one of the big potted plants in the reception area, relieving herself. Needless to say, we lost FERN that day. So, one of our team members reluctantly agreed to make a “No Peeing on the Potted Plant” poster. (It was peer pressure.) We hung them everywhere. Even handed them out at the next meeting. I don’t have her copy, but it was something like this.

no peeing

To this day, I keep in touch with this group of girls. They’re still a riot. I hope when they read this post they remind me of the many other stories so I have a “PART II” to share with you!

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