How My Dogs Humiliated Me at the Vet

It was time to take my three dogs for their annual checkup. I knew it’d be a chore, but had no idea what was in store. Hey, I accidentally rhymed there.

As I opened the door to the car, my one golden Cosmo jumped right in – good boy! However, his brother Koda panics and runs across the driveway — which is odd, because he has a phobia of walking on the blacktop.

So, now he’s in the grass on the other side of the driveway. He lays down and won’t budge — like a child throwing a temper tantrum — like Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Now mind you, we’re already late because I couldn’t find two of our three leashes and had to grab a dog lead just to have something (nothing says Redneck like bringing your dogs to the vet on a 30 ft. dog lead), and now this.

Anyway, knowing Koda’s anxiety, I maneuvered the car to the edge of the driveway so no blacktop was showing. It took 10 minutes or so, but my daughter and I were eventually successful — she coaxed him from the front and I lifted him from the back. And so what if the neighbors gathered to watch… by the time we were done with our Lucy and Ethel act, all we had to do was  grab dog #3, Forrest, and head to the vet.

And…. we’re off!!

When we get into the office I’m mortified that I have two dogs on each end of a lead. The vet helps me out with disposable leashes. So that humility was short-lived, except for the part where I look like I can’t afford leashes. But lucky for me, the adventure had just begun.

cosmo coustaeCosmo decides to perform a crying song. It was quite lovely. He obviously was having some anxiety, so I end up on the floor hugging him, petting him and rocking him until he calmed down.

Then Koda (the original trouble maker)  decides to lay down and never get up — ever again.

kodaWe’d lift him up, he’d lay down.
We’d lift him up, he’d lay down.
We’d lift him up, he’d lay down.

For the life of us, we couldn’t get him to walk over to the scale in the waiting room. At this time the other customers are loving the show. I was at my wit’s end. So…. WE SLID HIM. Yes, that’s right. We literally slid him across the slick floor to the scale.

I know they say dogs don’t smile. But he was frickin’ smiling.

And to add to the fun, in the midst of all this chaos, as I bent over to help my dog along… “the girls” fell out. Yes, out of the bra. It’s not like anybody could see anything, but having to wrangle them back into the corral wasn’t an easy task with an audience.

Now, on to the grand finale.

We finally get all three dogs into the small exam room, I’d say it was roughly an 8×10 area. It’s here where Cosmo’s anxiety gets the best of him. He lets loose one horrific doggy fart. Oh my God, I thought we were all going to die and the office staff would find us in the morning. The vet actually said “You’re killing me Cosmo!! I gotta turn on a fan!”

I cannot tell you how relieved I was when forrest with collar
the appointment was over. And how thankful
I was that all three dogs are healthy. And how
shocked I was that Forrest didn’t cause any trouble.

Until next year my dear vet….until next year. 🙂


9 thoughts on “How My Dogs Humiliated Me at the Vet

  1. I am dying….. This is why we have a weenie, and a mini at that….. Although several years ago she slipped the leash and made a run for it… All you could hear from every member of staff was “DOG ON THE LOOSE!!!” She was terrified……… OMG the dreaded FART!!!!! Silent but deadly!!!! You had me cracking up!!! Thank you!


  2. I am one of those really lucky people who has a dog who loves to go to the vet. I dunno. Maybe because she was injured as a puppy and the vet made her feel better? She’s a rescue. But man, she gets up on that scale like she’s so proud! lol She doesn’t like the blood draw, but other than that, she’s soooo happy to go to the vet!
    I am aware that most dogs are not like this, and have experiences with a dog who would not get up, so I was rolling over Koda’s plight!
    Glad all three are in good health, gassy and rebellious don’t count against good health! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ellie B has gotten better about getting in the car, thankfully, Deb. But she can quickly adopt the aka Dogamous Pyle half of her persona in the waiting room when … cat owners ignore the well-designated and partitioned areas and bring their little darling felines into the dog portion. They’ll either play dumb and ignore my increasingly agitated 70-pound rescue mutt or say, oh, Tabby doesn’t mind dogs. Now if that isn’t missing the point … By this time my life has turned into a WWE match, arms twisting with the leash I’ve shortened to three inches, frantic cat-seeking dog dragging me off the chair if my foothold slips, the whole chair row starting to slip across the floor, me giving pleading looks at the receptionist to either get the cat people over on the other side or call our name to meet the vet. Yeesh.

    Liked by 1 person

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