My Apology to the Maternity Ward

After posting Kindergarten Moments, I couldn’t help but think about the day I gave birth to each of my four children…and how blessed I am.

I also thought about my labor with each of them, and what I said, and what I did. And I wondered why I never sent letters of apology to the maternity staff. It’s never too late to say I’m sorry.

Here goes…


To the nurse who held my hands together, and told me to calm down when I was screaming in pain. I’m sorry I called you Nurse Ratched for the rest of the night.

To the hospital administrators who wondered why my mattress was so deformed when I left. I’m sorry I kept pulling the corners of the mattress over my head every time I had a contraction. It won’t happen again.

To the doctor who simply asked “How do you feel?” after I pushed for 2 hours giving birth to my son. I shouldn’t have had a tone. I shouldn’t have said “How do I F-E-E-E-L? You want to know how I F-E-E-E-L? Well…. I’ll tell ya! I FEEL like someone just took an APPLE, and shoved it up my ASS…that’s how I feel!!!” I even heard the staff talking about it the next day. I’m sorry. I was wrong.  

To the doctor who caught me getting ready to leave the hospital, only three hours before my son was born, because I wanted a turkey sandwich. I shouldn’t have insisted it was a false labor. I should’ve checked with you first.

And to the nurse, who kindly said “I can’t give you an epidural now. The window of opportunity has closed.” I’m sorry that I said you COULD give me the epidural and that you just liked to hide behind the door and laugh at me while I screamed. I know better now.  But in my defense, the same thing happened to my friend, Mary, and she said it was a conspiracy. So….

And finally, to the doctor who wanted to know how the hell I got all the way from the jet tub at the other end of the hall, to my room, without a wheelchair. I apologize. If I had known the baby’s head was crowning I wouldn’t have walked that far, or at all. But my husband went to find a doctor and I got tired of waiting. I’ve learned my lesson.

Again, I’m sorry for all of these things. But more importantly I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I couldn’t have brought home four beautiful, perfectly healthy, babies without you!


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